Just a warning, this one is a little graphic.

*****

There are things in my heart that I don’t know that I can’t adequately express. I have fasted nearly every week for Katie and Aspen the last few years for their deliverance. I was expecting a different direction than the one the Lord had in mind. But I acknowledge his timing is perfect and his ways are compassionate.

Last Friday a couple days after Katie passed, my daughter Holly decided she was going to go to the temple but she didn’t want to go alone, so I consented to go with her and we did some sealings. If you aren’t familiar with that term, contact me later.

We then went to the Celestial room to pray and meditate for a little bit. Actually, it was more of an alternating between prayer and celestial sleep as we were both quite exhausted from the events of the prior days.

As I was struggling to pray for answers, and stay awake, I remembered a talk given some time ago that essentially said, we should pray to ask questions, but then search the scriptures to find answers.

I opened my eyes and Holly’s eyes were closed with scriptures sitting on her lap. I reached over and gently took them. I’m not a big believer in just opening the scriptures up to a random verse and getting an answer that way, but as my eyes began to focus on the page I opened to, they first settled on verse 66 of Jacob 5 and I read this:

“For it grieveth me that I should lose the trees of my vineyard;”

What a verse. I accidentally woke Holly with some of those heaving sobs.

God knows us .

After applying this to me, my horizon expanded and I felt the greater truth of God’s infinite love for his precious children. It grieves Him to lose them and sometimes he needs us to understand that pain so we will cherish our relationships and work to save as many of his children as possible.

He is the most compassionate being in the universe and yet he knows that he has to give us the experiences that will break us, so in our broken state we can turn our hearts more perfectly towards him. When our ground runs dry, the only place to get water is to send your roots deeper into the ground to survive.

Two days ago, I woke up and thought I would check Katie’s phone in case someone had replied to any of the texts I’d sent a few of her friends. Her home screen caught me off guard. I’d seen it many times but in that moment it was brand new to me.

It’s a picture of steps ascending into heavenly ethereal mist with a woman dressed in a white gown ascending the steps. That was Katie’s great desire, to return home.

We all come to earth with a curriculum. Some segments are linear, some spiral around on events to make sure we learn the lessons we are supposed to learn. Sometimes it feels like we’re cramming for the final exam.

Truth be told, several times during our marriage and the trials we faced, I have mentally buried Katie thinking she had reached the limits and wouldn’t survive. At times I didn’t know how I would survive.

With her passing, a flood of emotions has been present. One constant one which I intend to learn from, are the regrets of many little things I wish I’d done better. Katie helped refine me and make me a better man. She had many traits I needed to acquire by her example. I didn’t do that well enough while she was alive. I realized this morning that in breaking the heart, it heals by just opens it more for

Katie and I have shared so many great memories over the years raising our family. We’ve also shared in the struggles that we endured that drove us to our knees begging for answers. Some of those answers took time and others never came unless her passing was that answer.

But I look forward to a glorious reunion with Katie. I’ve actually seen that day. The Lord blessed me in a momentary glimpse a few years ago when I laid my hands on her head to give her a blessing. I know we will be reunited with each other.

Her mortal testing brought her to have a special, close relationship with her Heavenly parents as she reached her limits over and over again.

Rain falls on everyone. Sometimes it pours. But heavy rain washes away the accumulated debris in front of us so we can see the path more clearly.

The Lord tells us in the Doctrine and Covenants,

D&C 42:45. “Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die, and more especially for those that have not hope of a glorious resurrection.”

We have loved and we have wept, and I am thankful we have the hope of a glorious resurrection.

Isaiah wrote (61:3) that the Messiah’s mission would be:

“To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion,
to give unto them beauty for ashes,
the oil of joy for mourning,
the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
that they might be called trees of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord,
that he might be glorified.”

This verse has never felt more applicable to me. The word trees in this verse comes from Hebrew Ayil, which is the word for Oak. This is literally my verse, and I fully expect these promises from the Lord to be fulfilled in my life.

On Tuesday, a friend sent me a song to listen to by the group Casting Crowns called “Just be Held.”

One of the song’s lyrics says, “Your world is not falling apart, it’s falling into place.” So true. I don’t comprehend how, but I know the death of winter is followed by life in spring. God turns ashes to beauty and mourning to joy. Heaviness will be turned to the praise of God.

One Valentine’s day a few years ago, I decided to give Katie a list of 100 things I loved and appreciated about her. Let me tell you, after you write the first easy ones, you really have to ponder your life together.

I thank God for giving me Katie for these past 31 years and praise his mercy in releasing her from what she suffered. We have so many positive memories. Good times with each other and friends. She had an easy laugh. She was quick to forgive and surprised me many times with that gift. She was fun and energetic. Even these last few years, she would get up in the morning, get ready for the day, and then spend most of the day in bed, but she wanted to make sure she was taking care of herself.

God gives and God takes away and he doesn’t do it for arbitrary reasons. He does it from a position of perfect love and mercy. He knows what will ultimately bring about our greatest joy and happiness. He’s not interested in temporary fixes. He wants permanency. He wants us in a sure place, nailed there without any shifting around, anchored in place.

Sometimes that anchor feels like a nail through the heart until we finally feel wounded enough to know that only through God can we endure.

We have stressed over our daughter Savanna’s wedding next week and how Katie would manage. I bought her a knee scooter the day before she passed away and still wondered how we would manage to keep her active for a full day.

With her release from mortality, she can now attend everything. And she is now a second guardian for our family.

In the lobby and soon to hang in our home are AI generated pictures of righteous warrior women with Aspen and Katie’s faces. They are our guardians. If you haven’t seen them yet, take a look as you leave or on my Facebook page later. I think they turned out amazing.

What does it mean to be faithful? One thing it means is that when you’re a tree and get hit by a pile of… challenges you spread that stuff around and use it as fertilizer to grow from.

God’s timing is divine. We don’t always see the path forward, but it’s there. He promises to strengthen our shoulders to bear the burdens placed upon us. I believe that promise to be real and I have been blessed by Him beyond imagination.

Like Nephi, I glory in my God, his goodness and mercy. His perfect plan. His curriculum for our mortal journeys. I know we will be reunited. We are separated, but inseparable.

The Psalmist wrote, “weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”

Man is that he might have joy. Sometimes that joy has to follow sorrow so that we more greatly appreciate the contrast.

Our principles can’t change just because of life experiences. They might be from divine intervention, or divine tests which God himself administers for our benefit. They might be the result of personal choices, or just the tragic experiences of mortality.

Regardless, life is easier when we understand God’s plan and submit ourselves to it.

Submission is the path forward. It is the path of joy and the plan of happiness.

My heart is filled with love, for my Savior, for Katie, Aspen, my family, and all of you. May God comfort you as he has given me hope.

*****

In the days and weeks after my sister Aspen’s passing, I could feel that my mom wasn’t going to last much longer. At first I thought this was just a fear, but I now believe that God had been preparing me all along. My dad has asked me to share some of this experience today.

In my dad’s Facebook post, he said that “In life, [Aspen and my mom] were rarely apart from each other for all their trials, and I suppose their close passing is reflective of their desires to be done with mortal experiences and regroup to provide the help and assistance our family needs from the other side of the veil.” I completely agree with this.

My mom had a hard life. While I grew up, it seemed like her trials were constant and consistent, with hardly any time for a break. She suffered physically, mentally, and emotionally. Most recently, she was told she would probably need to get her foot amputated, due to bones dying in her foot. This was all after being mostly stuck in bed for 4 years because of her foot and chronic pain. This last December, she also suffered mentally in such a way that caused her to have no memory of Christmas.

When I was in 3rd grade, she was in a serious car accident that, through a series of accidents, led to unintentional addiction. In junior high, she and my dad lost custody of Aspen to the state as we explained last month in Aspen’s funeral. My memory isn’t perfectly clear, but I remember my parents fought hard to regain custody which took 27 months. She was seriously affected by this.

I share all of this for a reason. After Aspen’s death, and after everything my mom had gone through in life, with very little hope for the future, it didn’t feel like she had a reason to live anymore. A few weeks ago, we had a scare where we thought she was going to pass overnight. She ended up fine, but maybe this was also preparing us. In my prayers, I began to feel strongly that I should pray for my mom to have a release from her pain and suffering – whether that meant she was miraculously healed, or she needed to move on to the next life. On June 19th at 9:30 am, I sent this message to my friend: “I honestly am not sure if my mom’s even gonna live that much longer.” 3 hours later, I got the call from my sister that our mom had passed away. Suddenly I remembered that I had dreamt about her passing away the night before. God prepares us for what lies ahead, whether we know it or not.

Over the years, so many of you have supported us in times of need – whether you know it or not. We’d like to express our gratitude to you all: Those who drove us to school, appointments, or activities when our mom was unable to; those who lent us cooking ingredients over and over again; friends who have been a listening ear or a place to find relief; our wonderful young women and young men leaders and peers who loved us and created a safe space, and were incredible examples; our wonderful ward family who have brought us dinners and help over the years; the list goes on. We feel deep gratitude for all you’ve done for our family, and hope to someday repay it by the way we serve others.

I’m so glad to know that both my mom and Aspen are free of their pains, and I hope they’re doing all the things that they couldn’t do in their mortal bodies. We’ll see them again soon.

*****

In Spring 1992, our dad Oak was a sophomore at Utah state and was invited to serve on the student council for LDSSA, the Latter-Day Saint Student Association, for the next school year. Just before fall quarter started, all the organizations student leaders were invited to a special leadership workshop. At this workshop, our dad met Jenny Cardall, one of mom’s best friends growing up in Dayton, ID.

Weeks later, dad and one of his roommates had the idea to rent a movie and go hang out with some girls so dad called Jenny to see about coming over since she had an apartment of 6 girls and Vern and dad liked those odds.

Right after arriving, another girl showed up named Katie Henderson and they promptly had their first argument over which way a certain direction was. Dad was right, and she was further unhappy because she had recently broken up with a boyfriend and wanted nothing to do with boys. She wanted a girls night with one of her friends but some interlopers had showed up and spoiled it.

The movie was put on and she opted to sit on the floor in front of dad instead of sitting on the couch. As the movie went on, dad noticed that she fell asleep during the movie and he was unimpressed that anyone could fall asleep during the Pink Panther.

A few months later, they were walking opposite directions in front of the Institute building and both stopped and turned around and recognized that they knew each other from somewhere. It took a few minutes but then they tied it back to the night at Jenny Cardall’s.

Mom mentioned she went home and told her roommates she met someone named Oak and a couple of her roommates knew him from the prior year. Katie mentioned they weren’t members of the church and dad saw his opening.

He said, “oh cool, I happen to be the missionary VP on the LDSSA council. I should get your number and stop by some time and see if they might be interested in the church.”

Mom gave him her phone number and was a little put off that he was more interested in them than he was in her. She was just ignorant of his actual motives.

Dad soon called her up and asked her out, but made his first misstep. He and his roommates were going ice skating on a Friday night and when he asked if she could come, she said she would be coming back from Southern Utah on a school trip. Thinking she wouldn’t make it and knowing he needed someone to go with him, he said, “Oh OK, well do you think one of your roommates would want to go with me?”

Slightly stunned by the question, she said she thought she could find a way to get back in time and she did. Two months later they were engaged.

Dad had an old fashioned thought that he should ask her father for her hand in marriage. Mom was only 18 and dad was a 23 year old returned missionary. So one night he called her father Blair up and asked if he would consent to her hand in marriage. Blair’s immediate reply was, ‘NO!’

Dad replied, “OK, well I just thought I would ask,” and the call ended. Dad was not deterred.

Shortly after, there was a regular meeting for the LDSSA association. About 150 youth were part of the various committees and the guest speaker was a former Utah politician. Dad concocted a plan and after the speaker left, got up and said, “we’ve just heard a lot about being anxiously engaged in a good cause. I’d like to ask Kathlene Henderson if she would be anxiously engaged to me.” Dad’s friend and LDSSA president Tony Jewkes pulled out the dozen red roses dad had purchased which he took to her while waiting for her answer. She said yes and dad was quite relieved.

Two months later, they got married in the Logan temple with Katie’s dad trying to convince her not to go through with it the whole drive down from Idaho. Thankfully that effort failed. When mom and dad knew something was right, they just moved forward.

Dad’s relationship with Katie’s father did improve, particularly when he was able to use his accounting skills to help him save some money on his taxes, and over the years they had a very good relationship with each other, especially as mom’s parents saw the commitment dad had to the family through some serious struggles.

Mom’s goal in life was to be a mom. She didn’t care to finish college, instead just wanting to have a big family. She was the 10^th of 12 children and wanted a dozen kids. That quickly got revised after having going through 21 hours of labor for her first child- me.

As mom and dad discussed names, they settled on two possibilities. Either Aspen for a tree, or Savanna, because mom’s favorite movie was “Savanna Smiles” about a cute little girl that gets accidentally kidnapped and the kidnappers fall in love with this young child messing up all their ransom plans.

When I was born, they looked at me and said, “this isn’t an Aspen,” and Savanna stuck.

Their next child was miscarried and they named her Cherry.

Then Aspen was born, followed by Willow, Holly, and Oak the 4th.

Katie was an incredibly devoted mother. Even though dad was grateful he broke his odd teenage vow to never marry a girl from Idaho or live in Idaho (never say never), he did get his other desire to marry a farm girl who would be a hard worker. Sometimes she would exhaust dad (or maybe exasperate him) like at Christmas after everyone was finally asleep and assembly was completed and things arranged late at night or into the morning, she would insist they had to make the appropriate markings outside to show further evidence of a midnight visitor. Dad participated in that tradition only a couple times while mom wanted to make sure things were perfect and would be outside for a while.

As the children grew, Katie never wanted them to feel like they needed to live up to her legacy in school or win awards so she threw out her high school stuff to make sure they could be themselves.

One of Katie’s best qualities was her ability to compliment anyone, anywhere, and fearlessly become friends with them. She frequently surprised dad with things she would say to strangers to make their day. Oftentimes becoming quick friends with some burly tattooed guy or someone just down on her luck. She did this in the doctor’s office the day before she passed.

Katie was highly competitive. When dad started a co-ed soccer league 20 years ago, she joined and played and had a great time playing on the team for many years even while 6 months pregnant one season.

She loved word games and games like speed but could barely tolerate to sit still for the games dad and the rest of us enjoyed that required more strategy.

Mom’s competitive side also provided some hilarious experiences. During a game of Pictionary, she got so mad after losing a round that she threw her pencil through the air over dad’s head, striking a picture of Jesus and leaving a mark on his face. When she realized what she did her eyes went wide and we’ve laughed about it for years.

One of my favorite memories was when I was in high school. It was really late, like 11 or 12 o’clock at night and it had freshly snowed. For some reason, Mom and I decided to go outside and we played in the snow for over an hour. I don’t remember any particulars about what we did out there or what we talked about, but I remember it feeling like some golden moment outside of the constraints of mortal time and reality. It felt so healing and connecting.

In August of 2006, mom was 6 months pregnant with my brother Oak. She got on a simple spinning ride at Lagoon and while it was spinning around, something snapped in her head although we can’t remember if that was audible for her or just the way she described it. She further said it was like going to the top of a hill in a roller coaster and getting the adrenaline rush of being about to descend and then that feeling never went away. It was instant anxiety all over her body. What followed for the next 3.5 years was an unknown form of hell. Anxiety and depression were pretty severe and one of her prescriptions started causing body pain so she was given a fentanyl patch. Always preferring a minimal dose of medication, she cut the patch in half to reduce the dose which actually allowed the drug to seep out and in a matter of an hour or two, she took in a massive amount effectively overloading her pain receptors. From then on, only strong pain killers could touch her pain. She suffered addiction to her pills, and at times we thought we might lose her.

She did detox a couple times and continued with therapy until she found a chiropractor who discovered her neck was displaced and upon setting it straight helped almost miraculously tolet her feel and function much better.

It was shortly after this that Aspen’s condition started becoming serious. If you missed Aspen’s funeral last month, you can hear part 1 at AspenNorton.com. For the next several years, things with Aspen were really difficult, and Mom was worn thin by the events of life.

The past ten years were full of ups and downs in Mom’s health, including a series of ankle issues that impacted her mobility. This was really difficult for her, as she loved to be outside moving around. But while she was less able to join certain family activities, she always had a listening ear when we would go into her room and talk with her. Each of us had meaningful conversations with her over the years that have made us feel loved and valued.

For the last couple weeks, she had been having breathing problems and then started getting sharp pains in her back. She went to the doctor a week ago Tuesday where she was diagnosed with pneumonia and possible shingles. She got antibiotics and came home. It didn’t seem overly serious to us.

The next morning she was sleeping soundly when our dad left a plate of eggs on the bed for when she woke up and they were still there later when she was discovered to have passed away.

She had an extremely hard life, and after Aspen passed away, she just wanted to go home. She told me recently that the only reason she didn’t want to die was because she didn’t want to cause us more pain. But she was ready to pass on in so many ways. Although the timing of this has left a lot to be desired, I’m so happy she doesn’t have to be apart from Aspen anymore. And both Aspen and my mom deserve this rest more than anyone I know. I love them both and wish so badly I got to see them be free and healed on earth, but I can and will wait to see them be free and healed in Heaven.

Countless times over the years she said she wanted her headstone to read, “She was a real person.” She didn’t want to be fake with anyone. She will always be remembered as a loving and fun person who lived life to the fullest she could while enduring many trials. She can now rest and serve as one of two great guardian angels for our family.

Years ago when our grandma Henderson passed away, one of our cousins posted a beautiful poem on our family Facebook page. I copy and pasted it into my journal and wrote that I could think of distinct memories of my grandma for every line of the poem, and then wrote that I realized I had distinct memories of my mom from each line as well. It says:

“Your Mother is always with you. She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street. She’s the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick, the fragrance of life itself. She’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not feeling well. She’s your breath in the air on a cold winter’s day.She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a rainbow; she is Christmas morning. Your mother lives inside your laughter. She’s the place you came from, your first home, and she’s the map you follow with every step you take. She’s your first love, your first friend, even your first enemy, but nothing on earth can separate you, not time, not space… not even death.”

I carry hope going into the future that my mom and Aspen will continue to be actively involved in our lives- in the big, significant moments, and in the smaller, quiet moments. And they will be their full, true, happy, healthy, empowered selves in those moments, which gives me so much peace and gratitude and hope. I pray all of us can feel that hope as we continue to move forward with their love and support.

First, Denita Skidmore, will you please stand up? If it weren’t for Denita’s parents opening their mouths to share the gospel with my parents, I wouldn’t be here today. Thank you.

Second, Sister Thorstenson, will you please stand up? This was my mission mom, and I love her like another mother. Thank you.

Finally, I want to honor my wife for the countless appointments she took Aspen to. For the years she would listen to Aspen screaming. For the hours she would listen to Aspen processing. She is an amazing woman. I love you.

This morning as I was reviewing this talk, the thought came to me that this has been such a marathon, and I realized that Aspen was 26. She completed a marathon of years.

In the pre-mortal life I can imagine 2 ticket lines for people to get in. Would you like the economy mortality package, or First-Class suffering? I can picture Aspen chatting with friends in the stand-by section, but then noticed someone heading to First Class that needed a friend, snuck into that line hoping nobody would notice.

For years I wondered how we would tell Aspen’s story and if we would wade through thousands of pages of medical records and court transcripts. Today you get the Cliff Notes version of the Reader’s Digest edition.

I may get a little emotional delivering these remarks, but please realize, I fully accept and embrace Aspen’s life and offering. I feel so happy for her to now be pain free, having fulfilled her mission on earth with honor.

Some of you may be wondering how on earth we endured what Aspen and our family went through. The answer is that nothing on earth allowed us to do that. Heaven’s power and comforting reassurance that things were proceeding according to plan were all that we could rely on.

This is my own perspective on mortality that I have come to believe to explain our family’s unique circumstances and suffering. It allowed us to survive through years of battling the forces of hell, while experiencing countless miracles and unending comfort from God.

Every time I felt alone, broken, and stressed beyond belief, comfort came, revelation came, and this is what I personally came to understand that brought me peace. I am not attempting to declare new doctrine, but if this resonates with you, then perhaps you may find peace in it.

Prior to this mortal life we existed as the spirit children of loving heavenly parents, a Father and Mother, in whose image we are created. They care for us so deeply, so intimately, they would never send us into a world like this to be tested, without our full consent and understanding of what we would experience.

In fact, I believe we were far more involved in that process.

To bring about our salvation and to receive a physical body, first, Jesus Christ volunteered, was chosen, and became the lamb slain from the foundation of the world. His atoning sacrifice took place before mortality based on God’s perfect foreknowledge that he would fulfil that mission.

Second, missions were presented that needed to be fulfilled in order to bring about the success of the plan to as many of God’s children as possible. We read one such example in Isaiah 6 where God needed someone to preach repentance to Israel when they would be in a wicked way. He asked for volunteers.

Isaiah raised his hand in imitation of Christ and said, “here am I, send me.”

Then Isaiah asked, “how long will this mission be Lord?”

God: “Until the cities are wasted, and the people destroyed Isaiah. These people are going to be hard hearted, and I need someone to reclaim as many as possible before they get wiped out.”

Isaiah: “Oh, yes, thank you Lord, I just wanted to know what to plan for.”

God: “Don’t worry Isaiah, we’ll talk later about the amenities in First Class. This package even includes martyrdom.”

Isaiah: “Oh, well when you put it that way, I’m all in!”

Isaiah and many others volunteered for difficult missions to help our heavenly family descend to earth for bodies, and return as many of us as possible to our heavenly home.

These are sacrificial missions, and they weren’t just for prophets. Many took on roles that are difficult and sacrificial in nature. Aspen’s sacrifice and her life effort has touched thousands of people. She showed all of us a pure, tangible example of how to love others. One that we can see and imitate. Sometimes it’s hard to imagine how Christ acted to love people because the narrative in scripture is so short. So, God sends people along that provide those close examples so we understand love and other eternal principles.

Here are the principles I want to share. This is my personal belief until I obtain further light and truth on the subject.

1) God does not want his children to suffer. He is a being of love and every action he takes comes from love.

2) We wanted to become like God prior to this life.

3) In order to do that, and be like God, we literally had to suffer something. Jesus Christ suffered for all so that he could perfect God’s plan for his children. To become like him, means life can’t be devoid of sacrifice and suffering.

4) Here’s where you hang onto your seat a little. We were full participants in crafting out our mortal lives. I believe we sat down and crafted out a personal plan of growth with our heavenly parents. They asked us what we wanted in terms of spiritual growth, and we asked how we might fulfill some part of the grand plan.

Our planning session bound God to inflict certain experiences on us because we all knew it was for just a brief moment of eternity but would provide eternal benefits. We literally requested certain experiences in mortality so we could grow spiritually for eternity.

5) Nobody will be able to return to God and blame him for their own mortal suffering and declare “life wasn’t fair.” He will just hold up the contract we co-authored and signed and say, “you made me promise to give you that experience. I never wanted you to suffer, but we both knew it was what you wanted to get out of your mortal experience to help do your part for the plan.”

I believe God gave us glimpses of what it would look like before we ‘signed’ that contract.

“Oh child, this is going to be hard.”

“But it’s going to help with the plan, right?”

“Oh yes, your part will help this be an amazing symphony.”

6) God did not leave us comfortless. He gave us the first comforter, the Holy Ghost, to calm our troubled hearts.

Not only that, he placed people around us who would reach out as a friend and comfort. Our own unique experiences and at least some of the people around us were part of our plans.

7) Just as God granted us agency in the beginning, we still have it. In spite of an incredibly woven tapestry of life and all the planning, things go wrong because mortals forget their connection to the source. God has all the contingencies covered, but we have to connect to the source of life and light to stay on track. To help us, God gives us people and events in our paths to help keep us in the right way.

We don’t fully understand Aspen’s mission, but we know it had eternal ramifications.

Now I want to say something specifically to Aspen’s friends. Those who were loved by her when you felt unloved or unlovable. Aspen’s ministry to you doesn’t end with her passing. To borrow a phrase, “she has become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.”

Your family, your friends, are not an accident. Your life was completely planned for and I believe you knew and accepted it before you came to earth or that would have violated eternal law.

Aspen’s work is not done, it’s just moved into the real world beyond this veil. She will continue to minister to you and she will encourage you to join the ranks and assist in this ministry of love and salvation.

Those of you that have felt her love are now charged with preserving that memory by seeking to bless other lives in the way she did.

She and other angelic ministers will whisper to you to read the Book of Mormon, to love God, and to serve others. Doing so will bring you to Christ and make you a force for good.

Those of you that are struggling, asking why God would allow this to happen, please put your mind at ease. In the coming days, find quiet moments and ask God if this was Aspen’s plan, to move friends and family closer to Christ. He will let you know what I know.

Separation hurts, but have faith in divine timing.

I love this quote by CS Lewis. He understood the divine nature and what it truly means to be a child of a God.

“It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree helping each other to one or the other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all of our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations – these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit – immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.” (C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory, pg 45-46)

Those of you that want what Aspen had, learn what she knew and do what she did. Please reach out to our family. We would love to have you over and share more. It’s what allowed Aspen to live through struggles and pain and keep choosing Christ every day.

*****

Addendum:

It’s hard to craft a talk where you cover everything you want to in the right way within a time limit and doing so under the stress of a week where you are planning for a funeral. As I have reflected on what I said, I want to expand on something to my remarks from the service.

One of the things I spoke about was a life plan we developed with God before coming to earth that would give us experiences in life to shape our eternal spiritual development. Primarily what I want to clarify is this doesn’t mean that everything that happens to us is part of our plan.

Agency, or personal choice, never prevents us from choosing a different path in the way we approach life. Things may still be foreordained to happen, meaning promised events are set in motion to take place, but this is not predestination where everything that happens is meant to happen because of some decree by God.

Everyone who comes to earth, comes with a purpose.

The greatest common purpose was to allow our spirit to obtain a physical body and return to God’s presence someday with a resurrected body for all eternity through the power of the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Secondary purposes include spiritual development and life missions that accomplish some purpose we may be ignorant of in mortality. Sometimes they are revealed such as the examples I shared in my original talk. Most often they are not and we will probably be surprised when we step back into the heavens to discover all the things put in motion in our lives through heavenly orchestration. This quote gives us an idea of how this works:

“Your life is carefully watched over, as was mine. The Lord knows both what He will need you to do and what you will need to know. He is kind and He is all-knowing. So you can with confidence expect that He has prepared opportunities for you to learn in preparation for the service you will give. You will not recognize those opportunities perfectly, as I did not. But when you put the spiritual things first in your life, you will be blessed to feel directed toward certain learning, and you will be motivated to work harder. You will recognize later that your power to serve was increased, and you will be grateful.” – Pres. Henry B. Eyring

(https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2002/10/education-for-real-life?lang=eng)

Some come to earth having family or friends they were specifically foreordained to be put here with as a blessing to them in their own path of development. Some of those individuals may have chosen to experience something very negative in life to allow for their own development, and the development of friends and family who would support that plan.

This is one reason why we should never judge someone for their problems but just seek to be a blessing in their life. They may have chosen to come down with a weakness or trial that they and those around them would greatly struggle with. I do believe there are life challenges God gives us that are part of our plans of development.

Yet, every choice we make influences our current and future life and those around us, in positive or negative ways.

Allowing God to point us in the right direction, and then following that direction, means we are more likely to fully fulfill our life purpose and have the experiences promised to us, whether it’s perceived by us as a positive or negative event.

The death of Christ was tragic for those viewing it happening, yet without it, all of God’s creation would have unavoidably perished. It was the worst event in the history of creation, and yet the most glorious. It was scheduled to happen, and when Mary and the apostles saw the glorified, resurrected Christ, they marveled and rejoiced at the glory of God in what he did.

The right people were placed on earth at the right time and in the right places in order to bring it about through their personal choices. Jesus Christ CHOSE to move forward with that event because it was the will of God. He could have chosen to not go through with it. He asked the Father if there was any other way to accomplish the goal, knowing the Father had all power and knew every conceivable way to accomplish his goals. There was no other way, so he submitted to the will of the Father and brought about the greatest of all events through an act of suffering.

Can some people abandon their plans? Certainly. People can be influenced by others in this world or through deception from Satanic beings. They may intentionally take a path that leads to a different outcome, even personal destruction contrary to their life purpose.

Does this foil the overall work of God? No. God plans for everything and uses tragedy to bring about victory.

After Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers and rose to power in Pharaoh’s court, when his brothers came with great humility to Egypt seeking food and Joseph finally revealed himself to them, in Genesis 50:20, Joseph said, “But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.” God turned a cruel act into salvation for Israel.

To summarize, we made choices before we came here about what we wanted to accomplish on earth. We continue to make choices on earth as to whether or not we will accomplish those purposes. Some things are set in stone, foreordained to happen, but every day we make choices that affect our lives if we are going to move toward fulfilling those purposes or not.

Our birth into a home may feel like a blessing or a cursing at times, yet it puts into motion things that will shape our lives.

We brought with us strengths and weaknesses we utilize in life which can be a blessing or a cursing to us.

The only safe road through mortality is in obtaining the Spirit of the Lord in our lives and realizing that if we are trying to do what’s right, things will happen as they should. We still make choices about what we want to accomplish, but, in the words of the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr.,

“When we put our hand in the hand of God, we don’t have to know where we’re going, as long as we know the One we’re with.”

I want to begin with one way that God gave me and my family reassurance and peace after Aspen passed away.

Last Thursday night we were reading the Book of Mormon as a family, and we paused in the middle of the chapter.

The following night after Aspen passed away, we opened up the Book of Mormon seeking peace and refuge and opened right to where we paused the night before, Mosiah 15:20, which says:

20. “But behold, the bands of death shall be broken, and the Son reigneth, and hath power over the dead; therefore, he bringeth to pass the resurrection of the dead.”

Aspen loved to play games with Jesus. She would play for both herself and Jesus, whom she so lovingly called, Yeshua. This is a journal entry that she had written titled, “Jesus vs Aspen:

“I moved for us both. Yeshua still won by 1 point! Haha, even when I am trying to hear Him… (I didn’t cheat… He’d still win ha!)I am imperfect, but Jesus? He is & covers where I lack- I tried.”

This next story is one that I have held near and dear to my heart for over a decade now. As you heard from her life sketch, Aspen screamed in pain all hours of the day, with enough medication to mostly allow her to sleep at night, for 18 months.

Her screaming left all of us exhausted and traumatized for many years. As you can imagine we were all worn thin, and patience and kindness was not always how we treated each other.

One night while our parents were out for their date night, a few of my siblings and I, along with Aspen, were at home. Some of my siblings were frustrated and exhausted with the screaming, and started to get upset with Aspen. We were children who didn’t understand why this was happening, and why it wouldn’t stop. None of us knew what to do, and we didn’t really have anywhere to go to escape from the screaming.

While this was happening, I felt pierced suddenly with a new understanding of how scared Aspen must’ve been and how tired and alone she felt. I went down into our family room where she was and I just hugged her, and said, “I’m so sorry”. It was the first time I began to understand from her point of view instead of mine, how hopeless she must’ve felt, how exhausted, and abandoned. I in no way truly understood what she was going through, but for a small moment, God gave me the understanding I needed, to try and comfort her, and tell her she’s not alone.

Aspen and I have leaned on each other for years. Even when we’ve been at odds with each other. We’ve taken turns being the stronger one for each other so many times, but I feel so

honored and blessed to have been able to care for her and support her in these last few months of her life on earth. Because now she will pretty much exclusively be caring for me and not the other way around.

Something that she and I started about a month ago, was giving each other a hug every single night before we’d go to bed. Even when we were upset with each other.

For a large part of my life, I did not like hugging my family. I did not receive love that way. But over the last couple of years I have slowly begun to appreciate and love hugging my family.

Both Aspen and I made an effort to hug each other more often, because we both reached a point in our lives where hugging became a healing gesture, and even if we were upset with each other, by hugging we could remind ourselves and each other how much we love each other, and that regardless of our opinions or our stubbornness, we will always come back to each other.

And something unexpected that came from that, and something I will cherish forever, is that I had begun to memorize the feel of her hugs and how I could feel her whole self relax and lean into me. I could pick out her hug blindfolded.

Find someone in your life, whether it be a sibling, a parent, a friend, or whoever else, that you can hug and hold onto, and hug often enough that you will always be able to remember their hug.

And lastly I want to share some advice, from this last week, of something that, had Aspen not done, we wouldn’t have so many things of hers, that we will cherish for a long long time.

Aspen shared her phone passwords with me, and because of that, we were able to have access to her photos, things that she had saved for my family that she wanted to share with us, access to her social apps that allowed us to share with her friends of her passing, and many more things.

I am not saying to tell everyone your passwords, but I would say to find someone trustworthy, who will not infringe on your privacy, who can know some of your passwords, in the event of something happening. But don’t live life expecting something bad to happen. Because most likely it won’t. But it’s better to be safe than sorry.

And I just want to say, Aspen loves you all. And my family and I love you all as well.

On behalf of our family, we thank all of you who have been so generous and kind both this past week and in the past in helping our family through some challenging experiences.

We are going to pull back the curtain a bit and share things we have never openly talked about. This is a celebration of a life well lived, but at times was defined by pain and suffering for our family. The opening hymn, Lead Kindly Light, was one of Aspen’s favorite hymns. Today’s closing is our dad’s favorite and perhaps unorthodox for a service, but we all felt Aspen would want us to march forward for Christ.

What you will see in this life sketch is someone in deep pain and suffering who then used her life to comfort and help others in pain. We are going to share some painful things because our family wants you to understand Aspen’s amazing life, and her firm reliance on Jesus Christ.

Aspen Marie Norton was born August 5, 1997.

From an early age, our parents knew she was a special soul. In her baby blessing, our father felt prompted to pronounce that she had brought her testimony with her from the pre-mortal life which she displayed every day.

One early memory of Aspen, which was a premonition of the life she would live, was our parents picking her up from the nursery at church and the nursery leaders telling them how loving it was that where most children would find toys to play with, Aspen would see someone else crying and go find toys to bring them to comfort them. This was Aspen.

Her empathy also created funny situations. While living in Logan while our mom was pregnant with me, she had morning sickness pretty bad. My parents were living in an apartment and the main floor layout was the living room connected to the kitchen through a short hallway with a bathroom through the hallway door. One morning while our parents were talking in that hallway, Aspen came down the stairs into the living room, and ran past our parents shoving them out of the way in a beeline to the bathroom. My parents were concerned and followed her. She immediately went to the toilet and started pretending to be sick into the toilet. After a few tries, she calmly got up, smiled, and went into the kitchen for breakfast. She wanted mom to know that she understood what she was going through.

Years ago in this ward, during a fast and testimony meeting, we were sitting a few rows back from the pulpit. Amy Curtin was at the stand bearing her testimony and crying from emotion. Aspen was playing with a small stretchy rubber snake and while stretching it, launched it through the air and hit Amy in the face. As Aspen felt the eyes of the ward shift onto her, she promptly turned her head, looking around with a puzzled look on her face as if searching to see who behind her launched that snake into Amy’s face.

In her younger years, she was an energetic child. She loved to play soccer, make friends, and enjoyed music.

Aspen loved to climb up on our dad’s chair in the computer room, have our dad put a song on the computer, and she would massage his back while beating out the tune. Dad didn’t mind that at all.

Her love and talent for music was obvious, but became pronounced when one day our dad was upstairs and heard beautiful music coming from downstairs. He literally thought, “who purchased a CD and is playing it this early in the morning?” When he came out of the bedroom, he was shocked to see 12 year old Aspen playing at the piano without any music in front of her. That’s when he realized they needed to get Aspen some piano lessons. Through all her trials and service, she tried to get the music inside of her to the outside. Only a few songs were ever completed and recorded, but she had dozens she had written down the tunes, chords and lyrics for. We will play a couple of her songs today.

Jumping back in time, sometime around age 6-8, she was in our kitchen and screamed in pain doubling over and collapsing to the floor. Shocked, we asked if she was OK and she got up just fine. We had no idea what had happened. This would become part of her life’s difficult journey. It would take years to discover the cause and treatment for what she would endure.

She dropped out of school around 8^th grade as the pains became so intense that she would literally scream in pain all day long without massive amounts of painkillers. She described it as someone driving a knife into her kidneys.

One year she was in the ER 23 times.

Her tolerance for pain medication was so high, she would take ten Percocet at once which would make her pain stop for a few hours and give her a normal life for a time. Then she would run out and the screaming resumed.

Our dad would call home from work to ask our mom how things were going, and he would hear Aspen screaming uncontrollably in the background. He would then walk down the hall at work to an empty office away from everyone where he would kneel in prayer, bawling, and asking God to heal Aspen or take her home. This went on for 18 long months. A few of you here today are aware of this and we greatly appreciate the service you did for our family during that time.

Eventually Aspen began to get the screaming more under control and a friend asked us if we had looked into Lyme disease. We had not, but after working with a specialist, we were told that she did have Lyme disease. Treatment began and we saw her condition improving. After a few months of being treated, the pain was subsiding in duration, but still had some kind of hold on her, so we started looking for therapy for her that might help reduce it.

Around this time, our dad remembers praying one day asking God to let whatever needed to happen, to happen to let Aspen get well the fastest.

A couple weeks later this prayer was set into motion in a most unexpected way.

One day after a particular treatment, our mom and Aspen stopped and got food from McDonald’s and then stopped at the grocery store. My mom went in to pick up a few things while Aspen who was 15 then, sat in the car eating.

When our mom came back out, Aspen was unconscious, the keys were in the ignition with the car running, and the doors were locked.

Frantic, our mom called me at home and I was able to rush another set of keys to the store to open the door. We got Aspen revived but later that evening she began to display signs of pneumonia. When the hospital asked what medication she was on and how much, they were shocked to hear that she had taken14 Roxycodone that day. They said they weren’t capable of treating pediatric pain issues and to take her to Primary Children’s.

Upon sharing the same story there, they immediately contacted the Department of Child and Family Services- DCFS- and within 24 hours we had lost custody of Aspen to the state.

Our parents and Aspen were accused of Munchausen’s syndrome- meaning our parents were accused of convincing Aspen she was sick when she really wasn’t. Our family didn’t think hell had an elevator downwards but they suddenly felt that floor drop several levels when that happened. In state care, authorities did not accept that Aspen had had Lyme disease or that her pain was real. They labeled it psychosomatic and treated her like it was all imagined pain, because our parents needed her to be ill in some twisted way. Aspen did learn to quiet her pain though. She had already been working on that so that her sharp pains were not as vocal, but she would wince visibly as they happened.

After 6 months of working with DCFS, our dad asked Aspen privately during a supervised visit if she still had pain because she seemed to be improving. She said yes but that was concealing it as best she could. He then said she might as well tell the doctors she was working with the truth about it and maybe while she was in care they could figure it out and help her.

As a result of that honesty with her doctors, at the next hearing, DCFS informed the judge that the increased contact between Aspen and her parents had resulted in her having more pain. Because of this, the judge ordered no contact between Aspen and our family for 3 months. It was devastating for Aspen and she learned to keep her mouth shut. Then at the next hearing, DCFS reported that Aspen’s pain had gone away with no contact from our family, so the judge ordered the no contact to continue another 3 months. Aspen thought she might never see her family again and started having thoughts of harming herself. Thankfully, after that 6 months, we could again have limited contact.

Aspen was put into Summit high school, an alternative school for teens. Her nickname there became the “Angel of Summit” because she brought joy and light to everyone. She was a ray of sunshine and touched many lives, even saving some. She loved those that felt no love.

She transferred into a new foster home which was a great blessing to her. Her foster mom, Amy, will be saying the closing prayer today. We love and appreciate the care they had for Aspen. Her foster family told us numerous times about the hours of beautiful music Aspen filled their home with, making our parents somewhat jealous.

After about a year and a half in foster care, Aspen’s therapist uncovered trapped memories that brought a new perspective to the DCFS team and judge. All of a sudden, they realized Aspen’s physical manifestation of pain had an emotionally traumatic origin. In a matter of months, she was released back to us and at the closing hearing, without apology, the judge said, “We can see there’s a lot of love in your family.”

It only took 27 months for the state to come to that assessment.

We could have been very bitter about this, but we came to appreciate the difficult job some of these people had. The DCFS team would constantly tell us how concerned they were for Aspen and how incredible she was. She was not their normal case. We knew that and deeply missed her. We felt robbed of her companionship, but in answer to our dad’s prayer, we now had further insight into Aspen’s emotional pain and treatment.

After returning home, Aspen continued to heal and try to move forward with her life.

Always looking out for others, she heard about a woman who was about to become homeless and invited her to live with us, informing us after the fact. We were shocked, but Aspen had a way of turning your heart to see things through her eyes and we allowed this woman to come live with us for what turned out to be over a year. We did, however, draw the line at her indoor cats. Jodey is here today and part of our family because of Aspen. Then, if we counted right, there were 7 other friends of Aspen’s that we took in for various periods of time. Some of them are here today and we love them because of Aspen.

Aspen later took a job living at an elderly lady’s home to take care of her for about a year and then returned home when this woman had to go into a nursing home for a higher level of care.

Aspen volunteered for the state suicide hotline helping over 200 people who were in need.

She was always concerned for others. She was always concerned for those that had no voice. Recently she purchased flowers so she could perform a memorial service in our backyard for those that were not remembered by anyone.

A few months ago, a friend she had made at Summit who had a serious medical condition, passed away. Sensing that his family might not be able to pull a funeral service together, she spent a week organizing it, getting a ward in Orem to host it, doing the program, and making sure the service was a success, including performing multiple songs during it.

Aspen passed last Friday, May 10th, 2024, early in the morning after having a great Thursday where she met a new therapist she was excited to get started working with at another appointment the next day. She said, “She works like I do, very gentle and respecting agency.” A wonderful friend of our family had an hour long conversation with Aspen that day as well where she boldly stated she was not giving up and would press forward doing Jesus Christ’s will. We are still waiting to get more answers about what happened, but we do know that she loved God and knew Him well, and was welcomed home with outstretched arms.

On Wednesday of this week, I went to Walmart to pick up photos to display here today. As I was sitting in the car afterwards working up the energy to drive home, I started flipping through my phone and wondered if I had any old voicemails from Aspen. There were no recent ones, but as I got back to 2020 I found one. She said, “Hey Savanna, I have a song stuck in my head and I think it’s a church song but can’t remember what it’s called. I’m going to hum a little bit and can you tell me if you recognize it?” She then started humming the song Homeward Bound. I looked up the lyrics and read:

On a quiet misty morning

When the moon has gone to bed,

When the sparrows stop their singing

And the sky is clear and red,

When the summer’s ceased its gleaming

When the corn is past its prime,

When adventure’s lost its meaning –

I’ll be homeward bound in time.

Bind me not to the pasture

Chain me not to the plow

Set me free to find my calling

And I’ll return to you somehow.

If you find it’s me you’re missing

If you’re hoping I’ll return,

To your thoughts I’ll soon be listening,

And in the road I’ll stop and turn.

Then the wind will set me racing

As my journey nears its end

And the path I’ll be retracing

When I’m homeward bound again.

Bind me not to the pasture

Chain me not to the plow

Set me free to find my calling

And I’ll return to you somehow.

On a quiet misty morning

When the moon has gone to bed,

When the sparrows stop their singing

I’ll be homeward bound again.

Her life was a gift to others. If you were in need of being picked up, she was that person. Today, though we miss her, we know she is finally free of the pain and suffering that often defined her days on this earth. We are so grateful for the time we had with her, and know that we will see her again.

One of Aspen’s friends said he was going to plant an Aspen tree on their property in Tennessee. Our dad warned him, “Aspen’s spread fast and pop up everywhere.” She was well named.