Oak Norton III Remarks

I want to start by honoring three people.

First, Denita Skidmore, will you please stand up? If it weren’t for Denita’s parents opening their mouths to share the gospel with my parents, I wouldn’t be here today. Thank you.

Second, Sister Thorstenson, will you please stand up? This was my mission mom, and I love her like another mother. Thank you.

Finally, I want to honor my wife for the countless appointments she took Aspen to. For the years she would listen to Aspen screaming. For the hours she would listen to Aspen processing. She is an amazing woman. I love you.

This morning as I was reviewing this talk, the thought came to me that this has been such a marathon, and I realized that Aspen was 26. She completed a marathon of years.

In the pre-mortal life I can imagine 2 ticket lines for people to get in. Would you like the economy mortality package, or First-Class suffering? I can picture Aspen chatting with friends in the stand-by section, but then noticed someone heading to First Class that needed a friend, snuck into that line hoping nobody would notice.

For years I wondered how we would tell Aspen’s story and if we would wade through thousands of pages of medical records and court transcripts. Today you get the Cliff Notes version of the Reader’s Digest edition.

I may get a little emotional delivering these remarks, but please realize, I fully accept and embrace Aspen’s life and offering. I feel so happy for her to now be pain free, having fulfilled her mission on earth with honor.

Some of you may be wondering how on earth we endured what Aspen and our family went through. The answer is that nothing on earth allowed us to do that. Heaven’s power and comforting reassurance that things were proceeding according to plan were all that we could rely on.

This is my own perspective on mortality that I have come to believe to explain our family’s unique circumstances and suffering. It allowed us to survive through years of battling the forces of hell, while experiencing countless miracles and unending comfort from God.

Every time I felt alone, broken, and stressed beyond belief, comfort came, revelation came, and this is what I personally came to understand that brought me peace. I am not attempting to declare new doctrine, but if this resonates with you, then perhaps you may find peace in it.

Prior to this mortal life we existed as the spirit children of loving heavenly parents, a Father and Mother, in whose image we are created. They care for us so deeply, so intimately, they would never send us into a world like this to be tested, without our full consent and understanding of what we would experience.

In fact, I believe we were far more involved in that process.

To bring about our salvation and to receive a physical body, first, Jesus Christ volunteered, was chosen, and became the lamb slain from the foundation of the world. His atoning sacrifice took place before mortality based on God’s perfect foreknowledge that he would fulfil that mission.

Second, missions were presented that needed to be fulfilled in order to bring about the success of the plan to as many of God’s children as possible. We read one such example in Isaiah 6 where God needed someone to preach repentance to Israel when they would be in a wicked way. He asked for volunteers.

Isaiah raised his hand in imitation of Christ and said, “here am I, send me.”

Then Isaiah asked, “how long will this mission be Lord?”

God: “Until the cities are wasted, and the people destroyed Isaiah. These people are going to be hard hearted, and I need someone to reclaim as many as possible before they get wiped out.”

Isaiah: “Oh, yes, thank you Lord, I just wanted to know what to plan for.”

God: “Don’t worry Isaiah, we’ll talk later about the amenities in First Class. This package even includes martyrdom.”

Isaiah: “Oh, well when you put it that way, I’m all in!”

Isaiah and many others volunteered for difficult missions to help our heavenly family descend to earth for bodies, and return as many of us as possible to our heavenly home.

These are sacrificial missions, and they weren’t just for prophets. Many took on roles that are difficult and sacrificial in nature. Aspen’s sacrifice and her life effort has touched thousands of people. She showed all of us a pure, tangible example of how to love others. One that we can see and imitate. Sometimes it’s hard to imagine how Christ acted to love people because the narrative in scripture is so short. So, God sends people along that provide those close examples so we understand love and other eternal principles.

Here are the principles I want to share. This is my personal belief until I obtain further light and truth on the subject.

1) God does not want his children to suffer. He is a being of love and every action he takes comes from love.

2) We wanted to become like God prior to this life.

3) In order to do that, and be like God, we literally had to suffer something. Jesus Christ suffered for all so that he could perfect God’s plan for his children. To become like him, means life can’t be devoid of sacrifice and suffering.

4) Here’s where you hang onto your seat a little. We were full participants in crafting out our mortal lives. I believe we sat down and crafted out a personal plan of growth with our heavenly parents. They asked us what we wanted in terms of spiritual growth, and we asked how we might fulfill some part of the grand plan.

Our planning session bound God to inflict certain experiences on us because we all knew it was for just a brief moment of eternity but would provide eternal benefits. We literally requested certain experiences in mortality so we could grow spiritually for eternity.

5) Nobody will be able to return to God and blame him for their own mortal suffering and declare “life wasn’t fair.” He will just hold up the contract we co-authored and signed and say, “you made me promise to give you that experience. I never wanted you to suffer, but we both knew it was what you wanted to get out of your mortal experience to help do your part for the plan.”

I believe God gave us glimpses of what it would look like before we ‘signed’ that contract.

“Oh child, this is going to be hard.”

“But it’s going to help with the plan, right?”

“Oh yes, your part will help this be an amazing symphony.”

6) God did not leave us comfortless. He gave us the first comforter, the Holy Ghost, to calm our troubled hearts.

Not only that, he placed people around us who would reach out as a friend and comfort. Our own unique experiences and at least some of the people around us were part of our plans.

7) Just as God granted us agency in the beginning, we still have it. In spite of an incredibly woven tapestry of life and all the planning, things go wrong because mortals forget their connection to the source. God has all the contingencies covered, but we have to connect to the source of life and light to stay on track. To help us, God gives us people and events in our paths to help keep us in the right way.

We don’t fully understand Aspen’s mission, but we know it had eternal ramifications.

Now I want to say something specifically to Aspen’s friends. Those who were loved by her when you felt unloved or unlovable. Aspen’s ministry to you doesn’t end with her passing. To borrow a phrase, “she has become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.”

Your family, your friends, are not an accident. Your life was completely planned for and I believe you knew and accepted it before you came to earth or that would have violated eternal law.

Aspen’s work is not done, it’s just moved into the real world beyond this veil. She will continue to minister to you and she will encourage you to join the ranks and assist in this ministry of love and salvation.

Those of you that have felt her love are now charged with preserving that memory by seeking to bless other lives in the way she did.

She and other angelic ministers will whisper to you to read the Book of Mormon, to love God, and to serve others. Doing so will bring you to Christ and make you a force for good.

Those of you that are struggling, asking why God would allow this to happen, please put your mind at ease. In the coming days, find quiet moments and ask God if this was Aspen’s plan, to move friends and family closer to Christ. He will let you know what I know.

Separation hurts, but have faith in divine timing.

I love this quote by CS Lewis. He understood the divine nature and what it truly means to be a child of a God.

“It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree helping each other to one or the other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all of our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations – these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit – immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.” (C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory, pg 45-46)

Those of you that want what Aspen had, learn what she knew and do what she did. Please reach out to our family. We would love to have you over and share more. It’s what allowed Aspen to live through struggles and pain and keep choosing Christ every day.

*****

Addendum:

It’s hard to craft a talk where you cover everything you want to in the right way within a time limit and doing so under the stress of a week where you are planning for a funeral. As I have reflected on what I said, I want to expand on something to my remarks from the service.

One of the things I spoke about was a life plan we developed with God before coming to earth that would give us experiences in life to shape our eternal spiritual development. Primarily what I want to clarify is this doesn’t mean that everything that happens to us is part of our plan.

Agency, or personal choice, never prevents us from choosing a different path in the way we approach life. Things may still be foreordained to happen, meaning promised events are set in motion to take place, but this is not predestination where everything that happens is meant to happen because of some decree by God.

Everyone who comes to earth, comes with a purpose.

The greatest common purpose was to allow our spirit to obtain a physical body and return to God’s presence someday with a resurrected body for all eternity through the power of the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Secondary purposes include spiritual development and life missions that accomplish some purpose we may be ignorant of in mortality. Sometimes they are revealed such as the examples I shared in my original talk. Most often they are not and we will probably be surprised when we step back into the heavens to discover all the things put in motion in our lives through heavenly orchestration. This quote gives us an idea of how this works:

“Your life is carefully watched over, as was mine. The Lord knows both what He will need you to do and what you will need to know. He is kind and He is all-knowing. So you can with confidence expect that He has prepared opportunities for you to learn in preparation for the service you will give. You will not recognize those opportunities perfectly, as I did not. But when you put the spiritual things first in your life, you will be blessed to feel directed toward certain learning, and you will be motivated to work harder. You will recognize later that your power to serve was increased, and you will be grateful.” – Pres. Henry B. Eyring

(https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2002/10/education-for-real-life?lang=eng)

Some come to earth having family or friends they were specifically foreordained to be put here with as a blessing to them in their own path of development. Some of those individuals may have chosen to experience something very negative in life to allow for their own development, and the development of friends and family who would support that plan.

This is one reason why we should never judge someone for their problems but just seek to be a blessing in their life. They may have chosen to come down with a weakness or trial that they and those around them would greatly struggle with. I do believe there are life challenges God gives us that are part of our plans of development.

Yet, every choice we make influences our current and future life and those around us, in positive or negative ways.

Allowing God to point us in the right direction, and then following that direction, means we are more likely to fully fulfill our life purpose and have the experiences promised to us, whether it’s perceived by us as a positive or negative event.

The death of Christ was tragic for those viewing it happening, yet without it, all of God’s creation would have unavoidably perished. It was the worst event in the history of creation, and yet the most glorious. It was scheduled to happen, and when Mary and the apostles saw the glorified, resurrected Christ, they marveled and rejoiced at the glory of God in what he did.

The right people were placed on earth at the right time and in the right places in order to bring it about through their personal choices. Jesus Christ CHOSE to move forward with that event because it was the will of God. He could have chosen to not go through with it. He asked the Father if there was any other way to accomplish the goal, knowing the Father had all power and knew every conceivable way to accomplish his goals. There was no other way, so he submitted to the will of the Father and brought about the greatest of all events through an act of suffering.

Can some people abandon their plans? Certainly. People can be influenced by others in this world or through deception from Satanic beings. They may intentionally take a path that leads to a different outcome, even personal destruction contrary to their life purpose.

Does this foil the overall work of God? No. God plans for everything and uses tragedy to bring about victory.

After Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers and rose to power in Pharaoh’s court, when his brothers came with great humility to Egypt seeking food and Joseph finally revealed himself to them, in Genesis 50:20, Joseph said, “But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.” God turned a cruel act into salvation for Israel.

To summarize, we made choices before we came here about what we wanted to accomplish on earth. We continue to make choices on earth as to whether or not we will accomplish those purposes. Some things are set in stone, foreordained to happen, but every day we make choices that affect our lives if we are going to move toward fulfilling those purposes or not.

Our birth into a home may feel like a blessing or a cursing at times, yet it puts into motion things that will shape our lives.

We brought with us strengths and weaknesses we utilize in life which can be a blessing or a cursing to us.

The only safe road through mortality is in obtaining the Spirit of the Lord in our lives and realizing that if we are trying to do what’s right, things will happen as they should. We still make choices about what we want to accomplish, but, in the words of the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr.,

“When we put our hand in the hand of God, we don’t have to know where we’re going, as long as we know the One we’re with.”